Feeling of having, and losing at the same time~

Well, i back from my dinner with my dad. Should I say I'm feeling relieve now?? I also not sure what type of feeling is that, kind "ke wang" the love from a father, but at the same time I feel afraid of.

I guess my father is so proud of having his daughter coming to visit him. So when we heading to the coffee shop for our dinner, he will introduce us, as his daughter, to everyone he dump into.

"Hey, this is my daughter. Pretty right??"

The way he speak is like a 60 years old old man go around telling everyone,

"Hey, finally!!! I got a GF, pretty right??"

I feel pity for him at the moment, but he can blame no one, he is the one that chose to break this family up.

While ordering the food, I can see he is trying very hard to guess what we like to eat. Guess he is the only person that think that I'm a veggie lover.

While eating, silent fills the air most of the time, he is trying very hard to break ice, but the ice is too thick for him to handle it alone. Once so closely related, yet feeling like stranger now.

How I always envy all other daughters that have their father help them with the fish bone, peel away the prawn shells, chose the tender part of the chicken for them to eat, finally, i experience that feeling today.

But the feeling wasn't great to me, my eyes turn watery instead. I dunno why. Is like a feeling that you always looking for, finally is here, but you know after today, everything we back to same old way again. Is like a feeling of having, and losing at the same time.

Seriously, I don't know what is in my mind now. I wish to have a shoulder to lean on now, is like suddenly I feel so lost. I duno how to handle this feeling.