Money is never a wonder of everything, but do you know that, if without money, you can never get a fucking thing right!!
Since young, the harsh reality taught me the important of money, I went through all kind of shit dealing with money. I guess I should be glad about all the shits I went through, if not I can never be such a thrifty person now, I can never start saving at such a young age.
I step into the working society at the age of 15, since then till now, I had never once taken a break, NEVER. Initially was just a part-time job when studying, just to earn a little more pocket money to share my mum burden, but at the age of 16, I stop taking anymore pocket money from my mum, I work for it.
I know I'm never a super bright student in school, but I have a quite a reasonable understanding power, I can always succeed if I'm willing to do it, of course a little input is necessary. I realize that I can no longer juggle my work & study any longer after I miracle-ly pass my N-Level with the rather good result with the least effort input, taking advantage of my little "brightness", only start studying a day before the paper. Not forgetting the help of my dear (my good friend back then at my age of 16), helping me on spotting the exam question, I even got a $150 reward from the government for a great improvement in result that year.
But I understand very clearly that thing can never work out this way, so I chose a fine day & bought up this subject to my mum, telling her that I wish to drop out from school & not going to pursuit my O-Level. Which parent wish to see their child drop out of school if they know the kid can study, my mum manage to talk me through, I decide to give it a shot.
After working hard for the first quarter of semester, I clearly know that O-level is a big gap from N-Level, I can never pull through with my little gift from heaven, I need plenty of hard work too. So I spoke to my mum once again, but this time round was not asking to drop out from school, I told her I want to stop working for the time being & fully concentrate on my study.
My mum thought for awhile, & she reasonably share her view with me. She told me that she is very happy to hear that I finally wish to continue my study, she really hope to give me her full support in anyway, but sadly, financially my family situation doesn't allow us to do it, if I did not work, she doubt she can support my allowances at the point of time. I was a little affected at that very moment, but I fully understand her concern & never bring up that issue any longer. I can see the tiredness on her face, my sister Poly educational fee already worn her out, I shouldn't be adding any more load to her instead.
I tired my best, but I didn't make it through, I fail my O-Level with totally unacceptable result, my secondary 5 life in school is a total waste of time, I basically sleep through every single lessons in school. All teachers gave up hope on me, but I don't give a damn on how they judge me, if I don't sleep in school, I will not have the enough energy to work in the night.
After I left school, I covert to a full-timer in Haagen Dazs, I "fight" so hard to work my way up to the hierarchy. At the age of 18, I became a Supervisor, age of 19, I became a Trainee Manager, age of 20 I became a Assistant manager & at the age of 21, eventually, I was an Outlet Manager. I see that I had reach the maximum growth that I can be as of frontline, I need to do something about it & not just stay there. After years of working, I do have a reasonable amount of saving, so I decide to upgrade myself & further my study.
I convert to work as a part-time manager in Haagen Dazs so I will have more time to cope with my study, I fork out 5K from my pocket to get my Diploma in Hospitality & Tourism, seriously I'm rather proud of my result still, I obtained 5As, 2Bs & 1C, this proven that hard work do paid off. After graduated, I left Haagen Dazs, age is catching up, I will settle down one day, so I hope to find a stable 9 to 5 job instead of hanging on to a graveyard shift work.
As I totally do not have any desk-bounded job experiences, just to get a feel of it before I'm sure I can adapt to the changes, my friend introduce me to try working at Epson as a part-time data entry administrator for just 3months. I got used to the working environment rather fast, but 3month time fly too, contract ended. At the point of time, there is no opening position for a full time staff, my manager hope that I can extend my contract for another 3months but I don't see any point of holding on to a part time position when I spend so much to study hoping to get a better job.
A few days before my last day in Epson, my manager came to me again, he told me to hold on to my temp position a little longer first, he promised for the most 1month more, he is very sure that he will get me a permanent position in the company. I trust him & I stayed, true enough, 1 of the incapable staff was ask to go, & that me, who came over to replace his job. I'm holding on to this new job at a risk actually, the pay they offered me was lesser than what I got in Haagen Dazs, but I'm willingly to give it a try.
After 3month probation period, my position is confirmed, so is my pay, I got a pay raise, fairly reasonable rate, I'm rather glad that I took the risk. Working life in Epson are rather well, I met a lot of good bosses that assist my growth in this company, of course there are bad bosses too, I met one throughout the years, but still I'm rather grateful that I didn’t work under him for long.
I gotten my flat confirmation last year, it will be ready in a few years time, both me & my dear are working hard to save up money for that. But I don't know what crazy idea struck me not long ago, I wanted to go further my study once again. This time round the money involved is not a small sum, we are talking about 23K now, I was quite bother by this issue for a period of time, choosing over study & a roof over my head. But problem solved, my company will pay for my study, if I would to sign a 3years bond with them after I completed my degree. Seriously, why not! I can secured my job for at least the next 5years just in case of any economy down turn.
But problem can one after another, I happened to log in to the HDB website, the estimated completion of our flat was bought forward a year base on the initial date that was given to us. 1years made a lot of different to us, we have 1years lesser to save up the money which mean that every month we need to save up more. Our initial saving plan was solely for our new house, we have totally forgotten about our wedding till dear reminded me a few days back.
Wedding plan is another headache, my idea was to go as simple as possible, just invite some really close friends & our immediate relatives to attend our solemnizations, witness the ceremony, have a simple meal together & that it, everything will be over!!! But sadly, we can't. I need to understand & respect that dear is the eldest son in his family, the first children that get marry & they own a business, he can never make thing so simple like what I always wanted,
This is my point of view, there no right or wrong to this issue, but I just see no point having wedding dinner inviting all your friends, colleagues & relatives when all of them turn up for the dinner but we will be like freaking busy to even talk to anyone of them, worst still, didn't even notice their presence, continuing acting like a fool, walking up & down the stage. We pay so much & we wouldn’t even have the chance to sit down & have a single bite on our food, the truth fact is, the guests that turn up actually paying for their own overprice dinner, sharing the same table with a bunch of strangers, I feel that it seriously damn ridiculous.
But since we decided to put up this "show", we gonna make the best out of it, venue standard will be nothing lower than Swissotel. YAH! Shock & jaw drop reaction when I first hear this too, but no choice, we have a minimum standard to "maintain". Currently we are looking at the packages of MBS, Beautford, Ritz Carton, Fullerton etc, trying to look for the best deal we can get, we are a little early to check out all these when we don't even have a fixed date yet, but at least I gotten a rough estimated price I got for those hotels, all are rated around 1188++ to 1688++ per table. I dare not even think about covering the expenses with the angpao money we gonna receive on that day, as long as those can cover around half the expenses, I'll be more than happy.
Everything just keep revolve around money, after spending this lump sum, I guess our saving will be almost clear, for housing renovation most probably we need to settle with bank loan.
I dare not think too far, the more I think, the uglier it get, initially I thought marriage suppose to be just involve the 2 of us, but thing can never be that simple. Be it you like it or not, wedding is never our show, the fact is actually it our parents show instead, they are the "directors" of the movie, our role is the "actor & actress". They are the ones that decide our roles in the show, we are directed to act base on what we were told, we cannot go against the "authority", their wish is our command.
I'm seriously very disappointed with this wedding plan thingy, I not happy nor excited about it, in other hand I feel fear, disappointed, dilemma, whatever negative feeling you can think of, you can use it to describe my exact feeling now. Just by sharing the plan with my mum, nothing is finalize yet & we already had so much of disagreement. Fuck those stupid Chinese customs, I will be the one that is marrying off, shouldn't my happiness be placed as the main concern as compare to those stupid custom thingy that she wasn't even sure about too. It just a cup of tea, I don't see what the big fuss over the tea ceremony? Even if we insist not to have that I don't see how you can judge us just by a cup of tea, our respect to other isn’t be measure by just that cup of tea!!
I'm really feeling sick tired of being caught in-between, I can never get the best of both world, swallowing down all my pride trying to please everyone, feeling fucking horrible but I have no one to turn to, who the hell in this world ever spare a though of me?? I don't speak up, doesn't mean I agree, I chose not to speak up & adjust myself to the changes is to avoid any unhappiness cause by those unnecessary disagreement, I have limit to every single thing too, don't try your luck & push me further, thing will turn nasty.
All these different stages in life are really testing my tolerance level, why not just take a fucking knife & stab me to death, instead of me going through all this shit. I'm really physically tired & mentally exhausted, I need a break from everything.
