After so many years of blogging, this gonna be the longest entry you can ever find in my blog. Please close the window and fuck off if you know that this lengthy entry gonna bored you, if not, just bear with me, this entire entry is on Dino, my baby.
On 21st February 2009, it was the very first day I met Dino. Dino was a Silky Terrier as claimed by the pet shop, but I'm rather sure he is a mixed breed, he is too big in size to be a Silky Terrier, he got the Schnauzer features and Poodle curly hair, but I don't really care what breed he is, it doesn't bother me at all, all I know is I love him so much. Dino was born on 5th November 2008, a day before our anniversary; he was given to me as a present for my 24th birthday from my boyfriend back then, my current husband.
Back then, he was just a 3months old curious little pup in Pasir Ris's Pet Mover. I remembered very clearly on the reason why I chose Dino over other pup. Initially I wanted a female dog, I was told that female dog was less active and more well behave, but I just can't resist Dino, he gave me the look that he want to go home with me so badly.
Dino was the first pup that came to me, curious about everything around him without fear, his watery big eyes look straight into mine, and I know, I'm very sure that he gonna be the one. Before I even bought him home, I called and told mum that she gonna love Dino, no other reason, just the look that Dino gave, the look that craved for love.
Dino was a super mischievous one; he created a hell in my house, especially during his teething period. He will just chew anything within his reach, all the edges of the carpets in my house were gone, and all my table's legs were engraved with his teeth mark. Believe it or not, he actually chews a whole drawer off from my mahjong table, what were left were just shredded wood pieces. Despite of all this nonsense, I came home one day and stepped on something hard on the floor, guess what I found? It Dino's milk teeth, isn't it amazing, my boy have grown up.
Every day, I was so looking forward to go home, cos I won't be home alone anymore like how it had always been, Dino will always be at the door waiting for me. Dino is a dog that doesn't bark, he will only whine. He whines when he is happy, when he sees me home or when we are going to bring him out, he whines when he is scare, thunders and rain freak him out. You can forgetting about going into deep sleep on the stormy night, Dino needs a lot of attention on day like that, non-stop whining and jumping on your bed, you have to make sure you hug him real tight and tucked him under the blanket with you.
Dino was a very smart boy, when you came home and you didn't see him waiting for you at the door side, he is definitely hiding under my bed out of guilt, he had done something wrong that he know he deserved some beating like peeing on the carpet. My bed, is his favorite hideout place, he will hide in there when he refuse to get his nails cut or days that he don't feel like taking shower. But getting him to shower is not much of a problem, Dino was a cleanliness freak like my mum, he love shower and being clean. He will never pee or poo on the same piece of newspaper the second time if you haven't got time to clear it, it too dirty for him, he will release on the carpets instead.
Dino can never resist the temptation of foods, his favorite food was apple, and he will share an apple with my mum every day. He loved eggs, durians and gingko nuts too, but due to his skin allergy and bladder issues, we minimum his intake of all other items to almost none, he is strictly on prescription diet, which is for his good. I remember that there was once I accidentally dropped my food on the floor, it was a "dou sa bin", Dino was like a flash, in no time he grab the "dou sa bin" and run away from me, went hiding under my bed. By the time I manage to drag him out of the bed, only half of the "dou sa bin" was left, the rest went into Dino's tummy. He even steal the unshelled gingko nut from my mum, make a guess what he gonna do with that? He actually bought the stolen gingko nuts under my bed, break the shell with his teeth, eat the gingko nut and leave the shell under my bed, so smart of him.
Dino have a bed of his own, but that is the one place where he will put all his toys on it, he will only uses his bed for afternoon nap the most, during the night, my bed is his bed as well. He will sleep beside me every night, just like a human, had his head on my pillow and body tucked under the blanket. I swear he can't wait for me to go to work every morning so he can have the whole bed to himself.
Dino also acted as a housekeeper for us, he refuse to sleep in the room with my mum if I did not come home for the night or came home late. He will sleep on the sofa guarding the main door waiting for me to be home, he want to make sure that everyone is in the house before he will sleep in the room. Days after my wedding was hard for him to adapt, but he got used to it after a while, but he no longer sleep on my bed from then, he will sleep under my bed, or the sofa in the living room.
Dino doesn't like to be with other dogs, he only love human. I guess we had created a wrong image in his subconscious that he thought he was a human as well. I remembered there was once I bought him to a dog café, other dogs is just trying to be friendly and wanted to play with him. But Dino refused to get any closer to them, he refused to get off the chair to the ground, he just sits so closely to me, afraid that the other dogs will hurt him. His daddy says that it was really a moment of embarrassment bringing him to the dog café.
Dino had very poor health since young, from the day I bought him home, averagely I had to bring him to the Vet every 3 to 6months time. The biggest issue he have is skin problem, this is quite a common issue for majority dog, things can be controlled by medication and watching his diet.
Bringing Dino out for a walk is a very hectic job, after a long tiring walk, I will end up having to carrying him home. Dino is just like a small kid, when he is tired, he will refuse to move an inch having is butt glued onto the floor. I did try dragging before, but he will just let you drag his butt against the floor, the worst thing is so many passersby see you dragging your dog, it embarrassing, so I will end up carrying him over my shoulder home. But still, my mum will walk Dino out to the bus stop on her off day to fetch me home. Even with so many people walking pass him, Dino never fail to recognize his mummy from far, once he fixed his sight on me, he will try to run toward me.
Dino was a super vain boy, he love to wear his collar and t-shirt. We will always remove his collar from him before shower, after his shower, he can't wait to put it back on. Just like his t-shirt, when he sees you taking it out, he just can't wait to put his head through the holes and put it on. He like it when we say "Dino handsome boy", he will get so excited about it, hopping around and finally lay flat on the ground and demand a belly rub from us.
2.5years ago, Dino became really ill, we start to realize that he will pee many times a day, but very little each time and his tummy got super bloated. We start to get worry about him, bought him to the vet, after an x-ray, stone was found in his bladder. That period of time was hard for us and Dino, he required a tube to insert at his penis in order for him to release. Every day, we required to flush saline into his bladder 3 times a day, hoping that we will be able to flush the stone out for him so no surgery is required. It was a painful process for him and the stone in his bladder is much bigger than we can imagine, and finally, we decide that he should go for the surgery.
Dino was young back then, his recovery was fast, and very soon after the surgery he is back to his active self again. I have a friend, he was a breeder cum groomer, and he did warn me not to be happy this early. I remembered he specifically told me that bladder stone will not go away for a dog, in 2 to 3years time, this problem will be back to haunt Dino again. Risks in surgery increases with Dino ages, it not too early to get myself mentally prepare for the worst.
After I got married, I will only go back home on every Saturday to spend a few hours with Dino, frankly speaking, I actually miss Dino more than my mum. Ever since it became a routine, Dino became very sensitive to the lift's door opening sound, whenever the lift door opened at our level, he will rush to the gate to see if it is me, if not, he will just take his nap around the gate area, where he will have a full vision of the lift.
I feel rather bad about it, not that I don't want to bring Dino along with me after I got married, but currently my house isn't ready yet, I'm staying at my in-laws' place, there already 4 cats in the house, I can't imagine what will it be like if Dino was there too, it will be havoc. The renovation of my own love nest almost completed, I told mum to bring Dino along during my house-warming, and I can't wait to let Dino roam around in my own house.
On 8th December 2014, Monday, I took a day leave to study for my exam the following day, since my mum is away for the day for a short trip; I decide to spend my day with Dino while studying for my exam. On that day, I feel a little strange about Dino, his breathing patterns seem a little abnormal, and a little bloated at his tummy. I didn't take it quite seriously cos mum told me that Dino have been putting on weight lately, maybe he is getting old, he can hardly jump onto the sofa nowadays.
I was on leave on 11th December 2014 as my renovation have completed, I arranged to do a major cleaning up at my new house first before my furniture arrival the next day. Forgotten to turn off my alarm at 6am, so I woke up at that time, saw a message my mum send me at 2am saying that she need me to bring Dino to the Vet in the morning, he seem have difficulty peeing. Follow by a picture at 5am, saying that she bought Dino to the hospital for the catheter insert; stones were found in Dino bladder again after the x-ray, I would require bringing him for surgery in the morning.
I reach my mum place very early that day, after I open the door, Dino rush to the door as normal, wobbling his way to the door as his anesthetic haven't go off yet. I quickly sit down on the floor; padding him hoping that he will feel better, he continues his non-stop whining till he finally got his position right, like what he usually does, lay down between my legs while his head rest on my tight. That is all he wants at that time, to lay down on my leg.
Made a call to the Mount Pleasant East before going down, informed them on Dino situation, we manage to skip the long queue when we reach. Doctor Wong suggests that we should do a blood test for Dino before proceeding with the surgery. Test result was out in 30mins time, result wasn't as ideal as we expected. Dino's white blood cell was way too high, if he precede with the surgery now, there a possibility for me to loss him. We were advice to admit Dino, they will help to boost his red blood cells during this period of time, he might be able to do his surgery in the next 3 to 7days time if thing goes as planned.
On 12th December 2014, I received a call from Doctor Wong in the morning, and I broke down immediately after the call. I was told that after they did some detailed tests on Dino, he was in a pretty bad condition; he was not in any condition that is closed to have his surgery done. His kidneys function is deteriorating; his abdomen was bloated as well due to the kidney not producing the protein Dino's body required. As protein transfusion was quite a rare procedure, only the hospital has the protein, she will need me to pick up the protein for Dino, as he wasn't in the condition to wait till the protein to be delivered in the next day.
I was given 3 options, first, is to let Dino proceed with the protein transfusion, this might help to boost up the system of his kidney, to generate his own protein when it reaches a functional level in his body. Second, was to send Dino for kidney dialysis, but this is a long and painful process for Dino, it a very stressful procedure for his body, based on the current condition, Dino's body might not be able to go through it. And lastly, I can chose to let him go, actually that was the best idea she can think of based on the currently situation other than the transfusion. I was told if I chose to take no action, Dino will also be gone in the next 48hours.
Letting Dino go is the last thing I would wish to do, but having him to go through the kidney dialysis is never one of the option for me, I don't wish to see Dino going through the painful process when his chance of leaving is so high. Tim saw me broke down into tears at home, without any delay, he offered to send me to pick up Dino's protein. Seeing Dino's bloated abdomen and bladder really a pain for my heart, just as what Doctor Wong advice, we have to prepare ourselves for the worst, asked Catherine to visit Dino before they proceed with the transfusion, just in case that will be the last time she will get to see Dino.
Hearing the phone ring really freak me out that day, around the evening time, Doctor Wong called again to update Dino situation. Was told that I should go down and visit Dino, even though he is in a much stable condition now, but he isn't out of danger yet, she nearly loss him twice today, but Dino will of living is very strong, they manage to have him back.
On 13th December 2014, Doctor Wong called me to update on Dino situation in the morning, they did some tests, Dino's body seem accepting the protein, part of the swell around his abdomen went off, they still need to put him under a few days observation, only when everything goes off, then he will consider as out of danger, by then, he is ready for the surgery. I can finally have a peace of mind hearing her say that, bought mum along to visit Dino at the vet, he seem pretty active, not as sickly as the past few days.
Least that I know I will receive such a call in the evening. I was told that Dino condition deteriorating dramatically today, not able to predict if he gonna make it through the night; doctor advice that we should go see him one last time just in case. My mum and I broke into tears; rush our way there to see Dino. Doctor explains Dino situation to me, even I go all out trying to save Dino, he might not even have the slimness chance to make it, he is too weak for that, some of his organs is already at the stage of breaking down and he is suffering very much to hold on.
As Dino's mummy, I think I have left with no other choice but to free him from suffering, I believe that it is the only best choice for Dino at the point of time. It a very hard decision for me to make, told Dino to hang on just one more night, one more night is all we need, I will be there to take him home the very first thing in the morning as he is on dip and his pain relieve medication and stuffs, I don't want him to go home in pain.
14th December 2014, our last day with Dino, I went over to pick him up once the vet open, when they hand Dino over to me, he was in a rather bad shape already. At that point of time, Dino already loss his ability to control his bowel motion, he is too weak to even whine when he see me that morning, he just look at me blankly. When he gets home, all he does is lie motionlessly on the sofa, look at you with eye wide opened. I didn't know what was the feeling of heart aching like before this, till that very day, I feel it for the first time, no words can used to describe the pain.
We tried to feed him with his favorite food, some reaction from him when we ask him "Dino, do you want apple", "Baby, do you want to eat egg egg". Dino is still as greedy as before, he tried to lift his head up to eat, but after a few bites, he stopped, he seems to be in pain even on chewing and swallowing the foods.
Mum getting increasingly emotional as time get closer to 3.30pm, she put on Dino favorite T-shirt for him, wrapped his body up in his bathing towel, and held on to him tightly. Tears keep running down her face, I didn't meant to lost my temper on her, but I told her so many times not to cry in front of Dino, this will only make him feel worst, but she just keep doing that. Dino somehow knows the reason why we cried in front of him, whenever our tears rolled in his face during those few days, he seem to feel bad and ashamed about it, and he will turn away from us, dare not look at us in the eyes. I had been fighting with my tears the whole day, in order not to put my emotion as a burden to Dino. All I want is for Dino to remember this house, the place where he belongs, remember the usual us, not the emotional us, I want him to leave with good memories only.
Finally it time for us to leave, I had a fight with mum cos she refuse to let go of Dino. I totally understanding her pain, but it was very painful for me as well, it never an easy decision for me to make, it hurt just as bad to be the one sending him away in my own hand, it a pain that I don't wish to go through at all if I had a choice, but that will only leave Dino suffering.
Carried Dino on my arm, palm covering his eyes, I don't want him to see us leaving the house, all I want is only the happy moments from the house will goes with him. My tears kept rolling down on the way back to the Vet, finally, my husband broke down as well, he felt the bond we had with Dino and the pain we are going through making this choice of letting him go.
Doctor Wong briefed me on the process before the procedure to prepared me for all the nature reaction that I gonna be expecting from Dino. She kept reassuring me that Dino will feel no pain at all; he will only think that he fallen asleep. I bid my final farewell to Dino, held him tightly in my arm, covering his eyes, so to ensure that he will not see what is going on. My head was just beside Dino's, just in a split second, even before the full jab was given, I hear him letting go his final gasp of air and Dino is gone, breathing was stopped completely, that was the time I know I loss him for real, forever.
I broke down completed, my head was light, I can't feel my feet and breathing start to becomes difficult for me. My husband held me tightly against his chest, I really cried my heart out, never knew it was so painful to let someone close to you go. My mind went totally blanked; I just keep hugging on to the motionless body and cry, I feel that I was a sinner, it as good as I killed Dino with my own hand, I blamed myself for everything that happened to Dino.
Today, four days after Dino left, I was still very emotionally effected by the fact Dino was gone. My eyes was just liked the spoiled water tap, water will just run by itself, tears was uncontrollable at all. Every slightest movement around me will remind me of Dino and I will just break down. I cried to sleep every night, imagine of him going off in my arm just remained so clearly in my mind. I was haunt by nightmare every day, jumping up from bed and break into tears.
During this period, I really appreciate that my husband is always there for me. Thank you for understanding the pain that I am going through, tolerate all my unstable emotions, always there to console me, try to keep me busy so that my thought will not go wild. I promised, I will get try to get over it real soon, not that I will forget Dino, but I will placed my memories and love for Dino permanently at a corner in my heart, this beautiful memories will stayed with me forever.
Dino, thank you for your companionship the past few years, I know that you are in the good hand of god now. A place with only rainbows and happiness, you no longer need to be afraid of the thunders anymore, you no longer need to control your diet and you can have all the good foods you craved for. You will no longer be alone, Mac mac and Samuel is there with you, I'm sure they will take good care of you at the rainbow bridge.
Dino, you will always be in my heart, my first and last dog in my life. Mummy loves you more than any words can describe, thank you for making the difference and leaving your paws print in my life. Our happy memories together, are well kept, deep in my heart.
Memories of Dino, 2008 to 2014, Love you always.
Mummy
