Covid19 Ranting

It had been a good 3months since my last post, that was 1 day before didi popped and now, he is already 3months plus and I'm back to work.

Didi was born on 17th January 2020 evening. Just like her sister, I went to the fengshui master to chose an auspicious date & time for his arrival, so when he popped, he is exactly 38weeks old. He is much smaller in size compare to Marilyn as this is really a tough pregnancy for me as mention in the previous post.

So, let me officially introduce you to my 2nd born, our son, Martyn Su.

This time round, since we are already staying at my in laws' place, I might as well do my confinement there. This confinement is easier compared to the first one with the help of my MIL & my helper. But when come to handling didi, I still very much preferred to do it myself. Confinement fall on CNY period, so this year CNY, I really missed out alot of goodies.

Initially I was pretty worry still as didi was really very small in size when born, but now after the 3months mark, I had put all my worry aside after seeing his double chin. Just like the daddy & mummy, both our kids is of bigger build compared to the average baby. 

One of my biggest worry is about how Marilyn adjusted to the arrival of Martyn and finally I can put this worry away as well. At the start, Marilyn did not reject Martyn, but just refused to approach him. After sometime, she did a good job in protecting her little brother, she will ask for her little brother as and when he went out of sight.

I planned a holiday trip for Marilyn's birthday this year before I go back to work from maternity leave. But who knows, Covid19 strike and affected every single person, my resort payment and air ticket payment cannot be refund, so the whole trip was postpone to an open date, till April 2021, if not my 3K will go on a waste. So we just have a short staycation at Carlton hotel & a mini celebration at home this year.

Because of Covid19, my trip is cancelled, so I decide to end my maternity leave early and start work. God knows, I went back to office for 1 day only, all the non-essential services will required to ceased their operation or fully work from home (WFH), we are one of them.

WFH is really a challenge for us. First of all, we do not have a house of our own, so basically we only have a room to ourselves, 4 of us plus 1 dog to a room, how are we suppose to set-up our work station in the room, I don't know how. Moreover, there a total of 9 adults, 4 kids, 3 cats & 1 dog under the same household, everyone will need to WFH & home-based learning (HBL), staying sane in a confined area with so many people is kinda IMPOSSIBLE, I can't even find a place to hide when I just need a 5 minutes of peace, away from everything.

2 days back the news on the extension of the circuit breaker is a total nightmare to me, I'm trying very hard to stay sane and the news is like a triggering point to drive me crazy instantly.

I seriously don't how everyone out there coping with this circuit breaker, but there are too many grey areas and loop holes here and there. I would rather the country do a complete lockdown to contain the situation once and for all, it is impossible to juggle work & kids at home at the same time without any help as we can't drop kids at the grandparents place for us to concentrate on our work. Leaving my kids with her grandmother throughout the whole circuit breaker period is also impossible, how you expect an elder to have the energy to juggle a 3years old toddler and a newborn at the same time and my kids need me.

Enough of ranting, I know no matter how much I rant, nothing gonna change, but I just need to let some steam out of me.

Just keep my fingers crossed, and everyone out there, please stop being stubborn and be a covidiots, just stay home during this period of time. I know is tough, it tough for everyone, but let just get over it once and for all and thing will definitely get better eventually if each of us do our part. I want to get under the sun with my kids again. 

Super Lengthy Post

When was the last time I blog, I can no longer recall now, to me, having me time is consider a bonus to me, I would like to do so much more other thing rather than blog now.

There so much major change in life now, to the extend I cannot recall most of it, but I will just try to put the bit & pieces together. 

My dearest Marilyn is already a 2years 9months old toddler, super mischievous, sometime I really defended by her. She is really sharp, talk alot (both logic & nonsense), she learnt alot from school, I glad she love to go school now, the initial stage was a torture for everyone.

We start Marilyn off really early, we put her in childcare since she is 18months old, I though it would be nice for her to mingle around children of her age rather than spending so much time with my helper that struggling with her own English. After Marilyn start to settle down in school, it just the right time for my helper to go back for her home leave.

She takes almost 2 to 3months to settle down, it was really hard for everyone at the start as the childcare was near to my office, easy for me to send & pick her up from school, which means it really far from our home. She have to wake up real early & go home real late, spend so much time travelling from place to place with me.

I have pretty much internal struggle that time, I start to question myself if I'm to harsh on Marilyn, is she really ready to be away from us for shall long hours at such a tender age. But seeing how much she enjoy going to school now, I'm really thankful that I'm firm enough back then, I was not influence by what her grandparents say and how other judge me that time, all I know is I'm doing all these for her own good.

One other major change is we sold our very first nest away. Yes, sold already and currently cramping at my in-law's place, with a total of 9 adults, 3 kids, 4 cats & 1 dog at this moment. Suddenly decision? Well, kinda yes & no, but we did it anyway.

Staying in Yishun the past 5years have always been a pain in the ass for my husband, he need to drive a long distance, stuck in the jam and pay so much for the ERP. Not so much for me actually as travelling long hours have never been a problem for me since young, I'm always an early bird.

Once we hit the 5years MOP we went to my uncle (property agent), ask him to assist us to sell our flat ASAP as we are afraid this gonna be a unit that gonna be hard to get rid off as there so many new flats coming soon and that area was really pretty much overcrowded. To our surprise, we got response almost immediately after the post was up, and the buyer request to view the flat on the very same day evening.

I didn't actually knows how the viewing was like as I take this chance to bring both Mari & Lycan down for a walk in order for them to have a smooth view. Thanks goodness the viewing was really fast, the buyer left in less than 30min as I was struggling to handle Mari & Lycan together. The same evening almost 11pm I remember, my uncle called and say the buyer would like to confirm our unit, jaw dropped for us.

We bought our unit at 352K from HDB 5years back, we posted to sell our unit at 550K in the website, with a little negotiation of the price, the buyer willing to offer at 528K. We had pretty much struggle on the decision that day, but in the end, we feel that 528K is a good price, we sold our unit without having any back-up plan, so here we are, squeezing with everyone else waiting for the property price to slump before we make our purchase.

Shifting from a 5-room flat to a 1 bedroom is really a challenge and we need to get it done in 3months time. We donate away most of our furniture & large electric appliances to the needy, basically we just bought our necessity along to my in-laws' place, the rest of our items I manage to squeeze into the extra bedroom in my mum's house, we will bring it over when we get a place of our own.

I hate shifting, and the worst part of this whole moving activity was I was basically handling everything alone, from packing to throwing, from giving away to arranging movers, I feel like a superwoman as my husband was really held up by his work.

But during this 3months period, I must admit I really breakdown several times, I was so exhausted, both mentally & physically. I basically have to handle my work from 9 to 6pm, on mummy's duty from 6pm onward, after my toddler went to bed, I will used all the spare time I have to prepare for the shift. Not forgetting, during that period, I was already pregnant, in my 2nd trimester that time. That was really too much for me to juggle, but I'm grateful that I manage to pull it through anyway.

After move is not the end of the whole episode, is the time Mari take to get used to the change. Initial 1st week she enjoy herself alot as everything was new, but after the 1st week, reality strike her. She cry every single day on her way back from childcare while reaching home, she cry to go home everyday. She say she don't want to stay at the grandparents house, she want to go back to papa mama house, her words really break my heart, both me & my husband starts to wonder again if we make a right choice this time. Such words from a 2years old toddler was really painful to hear.

As of today, we had moved almost 3months and Marilyn able to accept the fact now. At time, she will still say she wanna go home, but overall, she start to open up to everyone here, learn to play & share with the other 2girls, no longer reject the grandparents. It take so much effort to assist her to overcome this barrier.

Yes, you hear me right earlier on, I'm currently having my no.2 now in my tummy, and my no.2 will be ready to say "hi" to everyone tomorrow. Yes, TOMORROW!! That how fast time fly.

Mum's guilt, I was pretty much double standard, second child symptom, no.2 really did not get the best of everything, or even close to similar to Mari I will say. I didn't really do it on purpose, but there really too much on my plate as of now. For Mari when she is in my tummy, she had the best of everything as I was very caution after my first miscarriage. I'm very particular about the things I put in my mouth, I always had enough rest, I feel like I'm a princess made of glass, breakable anytime. And everyone else treat me like a princess too, as she is the first grandchild for both the family.

But I have to be fair saying that Mari was really nice to mummy, it was really an easy pregnancy that time, no morning sickness, no complication, just a little choosy over food in the first trimester. It was a complete smooth pregnancy I would say.

Thing wasn't easy with no.2 for me. I had really bad morning sickness in the first trimester, I'm aching & in pain everywhere, there is also a little complication with my low placenta placement which I required to be extra careful. Things got worst when entering the 3rd trimester, baby was a little small, but super active (blame myself for no caffeine control) and I have to skip my dinner every single day due to acid re-flux. I must either sleep sitting up or keep running to toilet to throw up all the acid. There a stage that I throw up acid every night till my throat badly burn, I cannot even speak for days.

As much as I wish to pay more attention to my no.2, I cannot forget I'm a mother of a toddler, a needy toddler that feeling super insecure knowing the existing & arriving of no.2. I need to be very careful handling Mari emotional feeling, attend to all her needs, be a superwoman for her that I very often neglected about taking care of myself. 

Actually I'm very worry about the arrival of no.2 tomorrow, I don't know how I going to juggle with a newborn & a toddler at the same time, it fear more than excitement I would say, I just hoping to be sane at all time.